Running background check on my fiance?

Marriage is a gamble of sorts. No matter how much one may try to manage the risks and odds, there’s no foolproof method of ensuring that a marital bond shapes exactly how one plans it to be.

We have always had the ubiquitous army of aunts, uncles, neighbours and friends who have been undesignated “detectives” to know about the prospective bride or groom’s innermost details, dark secrets, bad habits and so on and so forth.

In fact, strangely, the bond that is supposed to be based on mutual trust and faith starts by doubting the other party’s motives and intents. We start the process by assuming that the future family is hell bent on duping us.

Now this may not be a fear that is baseless. Many a times, people do resort to subterfuge and deceit to get things rolling and marry off their kids by cheating the other family. Whether this is becoming more rampant nowadays is anyone’s guess. But is it possible to eliminate this duplicity by hiring professionals?

The presence of many agencies specialising in this field could very well be an indicator of a trend or mind-set. But in my personal opinion, it’s not the correct approach. I’ll list the reasons why.

• People who want to cheat will, more often than not, have a complete system in place to aid their evil designs.
• People who aim to dupe someone take care to be one step ahead in the game.
• Charades designed to look like truths don’t emerge overnight. They are solid lies, built over years.
• While the above points can still be managed with thorough digging, how will anyone know how deep the rot goes?
• Lastly, if the matter of an investigation comes to light after marriage, will it not cast a shadow over the relationship?

People change after marriage. Whether it’s for better or worse depends on their core values and commitment. This is something that cannot be known even by the smartest sleuths. A person can actually start with dubious intentions and become totally committed to the relationship as the bond grows and takes shape. The most virtuous of individuals can take on a completely different, diabolical avatar after they don the mantle of a spouse. How can these risks be managed with professional background investigation?

This is a matter of individual comfort zones. While some might find it acceptable, others might view it as an invasion of a privacy and questioning a person’s integrity without cause. As a blanket approach, it’s a questionable one. If there are clear indications of
something not being as it should be, then a background check is more of a mark of due diligence.

In my personal experience of getting married to a guy from a matrimonial site, it’s transparency and truth that seals the deal. The families may decide to conduct a basic check into each others’ details. But it’s more important for the couple to be committed
to the idea of getting together for eternity. Be honest in your own words and actions and your partner will reciprocate. If something makes you uneasy, talk it out with your partner. Talk and listen. Listen to their words, their behaviour, their actions and their
general demeanour. Observe their interactions and their beliefs. That’s more revealing than any investigation.

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